Simone Biles and the suffering twitter-shock-jocks

Once again, certain sects within conservative circles are demonizing taking mental health seriously. This time the victim of their ire is gymnast Simone Biles. 

Many good people have commented that Simone doesn’t owe us anything and that we should take her emotional well-being seriously. These commentators are correct. However, some of the recent shenanigans from the anti-empathy, anti-gentleness, anti-mental health cadre of macho-bro-conservatives had me thinking about a slightly different angle to this dynamic. 

There’s a high statistical likelihood that at least some of the calloused, shock-jock, far-right commentators who dismiss, minimize, or outright mock the importance of mental health are suffering greatly and silently with their own mental health problems. 

But instead of being in a culture of empathy and support, they are seen as leaders in a sub-culture that vilifies empathy, considers vulnerability a weakness, while outward (and usually only cultural) signs of “toughness” bring them power. The truth is that no amount of vain chest-thumping, podcast rants, or blogging diatribes can genuinely heal a hurting heart. These overly dramatic outbursts of tough seeming “masculinity” (that are these men’s bread and butter) may postpone the pain or may temporarily dull the heartache, but these performances have little real power. 

So when these patriarchal “tough guy” figureheads suffer from real trauma, depression, anxiety, or any number of other issues, they don’t address the actual problem in their lives. They don’t seek help, they don’t talk to their pastors about it, and they certainly don’t get a therapist. Why? Because their brand is appearing to be tough, and to these men, toughness and vulnerability can’t go hand in hand. To these men, emotional pain and suffering are not compatible with their machismo-fueled public ministry persona. Their product, if you will, is of a sort of masculinity that rejects any emotion other than anger, is a sort of masculinity that refuses help from others, and is a sort of masculinity that mocks perceived weaknesses in others. They have a lot to lose.

So what happens when these people are secret victims of past abuse and significant trauma? They do deal with the pain, but not in healthy ways. Everyone does something with the pain. Their uncaring, controversialist, obnoxious public character becomes a coping mechanism. Instead of healing, they’re in denial. To harden themselves against further pain, they lash out at others who are also in pain, but especially those who are strong enough to admit they’re in pain. 

As I see the regular crowd of conservative talking heads comment on Simon Biles and as I read their thoughts on mental health, I can’t help but think that at least some of these men are acting out a trauma response. And, to be clear, this negative attitude on emotional or mental well-being is long-standing and has been applied countless times before Simone stepped away from the Olympics. The way they “deal” with their pain is by denying it, so when culture celebrates mental-wellness, this is not just an ideological fight, it becomes an existential crisis. Their identity has become wrapped up in not caring, because if they did care, they’d be in deep personal trouble. They’d break down. These men are too weak to deal with their issues healthily, so they do everything they can to belittle and demean the people who are far more strong than they are. Their Twitter rampages are desperate and defensive in tone and you can almost see the pain and insecurity behind the words. It’s almost like they’re trying to convince themselves. In many ways, it’s almost like they’re trying to save themselves.

And this draws my mind to the cross and how so many are trying to save themselves instead of looking to the cross. Though many men with good soteriology have failed regarding taking mental health seriously, it’s also not surprising when I see works-based Roman Catholic commenters or faux-Reformed works-based pastors rely so heavily on outward appearances of self-sufficiency. Though many are inconsistent and there’s always exceptions, theology matters and how we view grace absolutely plays a role in this conversation. Christ rejects the world’s idea of power and instead directs us to find power in service and humility. The greatest act of humility in history was God emptying himself and coming down as a man to die for us. And because of that death, he was raised as King. Power was found in humility and weakness. Strength was found in being gentle and lowly. Life was found in death. 

And when we are faced with this reality, we also find life in our own death. We do not obtain life by working harder or by putting on a stern face and pretending we have it all together. We obtain life, and life everlasting, by admitting our sins, weaknesses, and brokenness and by instead looking to someone outside of ourselves; Jesus. We can’t do everything. We can’t achieve the goal. We need help, and Jesus is the ultimate help. 

Those who demean others who have been honest about their need are saying more about themselves than anyone else. The men who ranted on Twitter about how weak, disgraceful, or selfish Simone Biles is are saying much more about themselves. They are, perhaps, grasping at something, whether power, money or just attention. But they’re grasping in their own power while maintaining a charade of self-sufficiency. I can’t help but think that they, late at night when they’re alone, know this to be a hollow path. When they’re not preaching, blogging, podcasting, or tweeting, they know they’re just as broken and hurt as anyone else. But they see what they’ve gained in the world as something they can’t lose, and their hardened exterior is the currency the world deals in. So they suffer and cause more suffering in others. They have their reward.

I can’t diagnose anyone as I’m not a professional in the field, and I (of course) can’t diagnose these pop-culture bro-dudes, but I do know about the human heart. What I’m saying may not be applicable to some of these men, but I’d wager it’s absolutely true of some of them. I feel sorry for them. But I feel much worse for their victims. Much worse. Though I feel for the abused who goes on to abuse, their sin is not absolved because of their own suffering. Though I emphasize for the silently suffering angry social-commenter, they are hurting others and are in need of repentance. They are largely deeply insecure men trying to cover up their hurt by hurting others. It’s sin. But I also feel sorry for the countless young men who are taken in by the cartoonish performance of strength and masculinity.

Brothers, our Lord and savior died so you didn’t have to. You don’t need to be cold, callused, and hard. Your pain is real. It’s welcome. Don’t suppress it and cover it up with bitterness, anger, or coldness. Come to the throne of Grace and be real about who you are. Come and know the Lord. Come and see that he is good. Know that you are weak, but Jesus is strong.

To those hurt by the men breathlessly trying to prove to themselves that they’re okay, stay strong and know that your strength isn’t found in their approval or anyone’s approval. Your strength is in Christ and knowing that you are in need of Christ. Do not be bothered by the critics who see strength as the world does. You don’t owe them anything.