Patriarchy and Power-Lust on Display

For years we have heard from “paleo-“ or old-school-conservative Christians about tyranny in civil government due to liberals and would-be commies. The truth is, however, that the tyrants and their hierarchical system of tyrannical control came from these guys’ conservative traditions long before liberals did it. It’s time to face up to the tyranny inherent in old patriarchalism and patriarchalist ecclesiastical systems, and how they manifest in the same predictable patterns, damaging many souls and bodies, when ecclesiastical LARPers try to resurrect them again today.

The preachers in Moscow, Idaho, for example, would have us believe the city has targeted them for harassment. The mean, evil, liberal city council members of a commie leftist college town have singled out the faithful Christians doing nothing but standing for Jesus and freedom.

Further, we are told we must support their “resistance,” because if we don’t, things will only get worse.

Hooey. I mean, I can’t say things won’t get worse in the near future, but it will have nothing to do with not supporting petty tyrants crying victim over self-inflicted wounds in Moscow, Idaho.

I have a lot to say here. This is a very long article. I hope you take the time to read the reasoning throughout, as well as the real-life example of the type of narcissism these machismo-fueled systems reliably attract, and the victims they reliably leave in their wake. Take the time.

To be clear where I am, in part, coming from, Doug Wilson’s slippery slope argument (i.e., support me now or else it will get worse) is the exact same argument paleo-conservatives like Doug have been making since literally before the Civil War, and all along since.

“If we give the negro his freedom, it will only get worse. He will then demand his equality.”

“If we give the negro political equality, he will then demand social equality. (That is, he will start thinking he could marry our white daughters!)

“If we give women the right to vote, it will only get worse. They will then take our jobs, too!”

“If we say women can support themselves outside the home, they will demand easy divorce.”

“If we desegregate the schools, it will only get worse. We will have full blown communism!”

It is always a scare tactic. Western Civilization is always said to depend on the current battle, and the crusader always seems to think he is the fulcrum upon which the whole battle must turn.

Of course, there can be scenarios where political opponents do have agendas, and do intend to “take over” so to speak. More often than not, however, the cry from anxious conservatives has had at its root a fear of them—meaning us whites and males—losing relative power, wealth, control, and status.

If we pull back the curtain on Moscow’s argument, we’ll see more of the latter than the former. Yes, I readily grant the city has probably got it in for them. But it’s not like Doug’s tribe is comprised of the innocent, wounded lambs he presents them to be.

To begin with, if we apply a little honesty, and integrity to stick with that honesty, even when it may not favor our own narrative, we will have to admit that their act of civil disobedience 1) had little to do with “worship,” and 2) was highly selective, i.e., convenient.

It had nothing to do with worship because it was always and only about openly defying mask mandates and social distancing. Their “psalm sing” was just a convenient ruse of a vehicle for that purpose. An ice cream social or a sit-in could have accomplished the same purpose, but would have lacked the religious façade. With that façade, however, a skilled pretender could effectively cry persecution. With the cameras rolling, it also makes for an effective way to raise funds. But the offenders were not arrested for worshipping, and not even for the no-masks, but because they refused to show ID when an officer went to write them a mere citation.

Note: these are the same types of people who “back the blue” when a driver is pulled over, argues with the cop, refuses to show ID, then ends up with shattered windows, tased, and arrested. “Shoulda just submitted, idiot!”

But Doug’s PR stunt was also highly selective in that groups like his have a long list of areas in which they (like me) disagree with civil government mandates: various taxes, countless administrative regulations, etc.  Where is the civil disobedience on these? Where is the bold march out into the public square to defy the local property tax, federal income tax, or the Federal Reserve and fractional reserve banking? These protests are nowhere to be seen because the costs of civil disobedience for them are far too high. There is no difference in principle at all. The difference is in degree. Making a brave public stand on masks, however . . . now that has the dual benefits of a substantial political audience among conservatives today and having only minor consequences for getting caught. It’s a great way to be heroes, especially if you already have the equivalent of a gofundme page set up for it.

Wake me up when they start a protest over things that matter, like the centralized powers and immunities inherent in police and prosecutors, the vast instances of abuse that follow, civil asset forfeiture, racial disparities in the justice system, etc. I would beg you all in the meantime not to be fooled by a stunt first calculated with fingers not only to the political winds, but to the size of the potential favorable audience and the low cost of doing so.

A little perspective

For years we hear from Dougly types about tyranny in civil government due to liberals and would-be commies. Again, this talk started (especially from them) way back in the 1830s. Continuity exists, too. Even today, there is still an all-but-full-throated defense of the Old Southern churches. They overlook, downplay, and diminish the racism and slavery, and magnify the Old Southern preachers as heroes anyway because they allegedly stood up against liberals and commies of their day. Back then blind and entitled preachers blasted abolitionism as “Jabonism” and “Red Republicans.” Today the terminology for their opponents is “cultural Marxists” and “woke.”

The truth is, however, that the tyrants and the hierarchical system of tyrannical control came from these guys’ traditions long before liberals did it. These guys today merely perpetuate the old game, all the while denying that the corruption, abuse, and tyranny they pretend to despise in liberals and commies is in fact their own heritage, and in fact is still in their own midst.

I have made the argument for some time now that a primary reason leftists and liberals have power and in many cases the appearance of moral high ground is because the conservative church corrupted and botched it on social issues, particularly race and marriage/sex, when they had the chance. When it comes to social power, the conservative churches adhered to abject sin, in the name of Jesus, and as a result have been disinherited of cultural power. This happened clearly in 1865, and continued for a century, culminating in 1965, and continued on still. At this rate, having clearly not learned their lesson, they will probably realize some great offsetting again in 2065, if not sooner this time.

Oblivious to this progress, and in reactionary crusade against it, groups like Doug’s have for some time been trying to mount a cultural power-grab, retaking control, by focusing only on a narrow view of certain acute problems in society today. They do not go back and acknowledge and address the sins of the churches that originally brought all this judgment upon us. They may pay lip service to the more obvious parts of it (don’t let anyone tell you these guys are not at least that politically correct, at least in public). Worse, they try to reestablish old Christendom while not only ignoring those old sins in large part, but by trying to reinstate the very forms of control that lay at their root.

The obsession with patriarchy, male control, female submission, as well as the whitewashing of the Old South, southern paternalism, racism, slavery, etc., all come as part of a package (and the truth is, we could easily add classical education, with its heritage of hierarchical control descended from pagan aristocracy). That package masquerades under the guise of Christianity and Bible, laced with many biblical verses, but the core of it is about power and control. It is pagan to the core, and on their part, it is pronounced.

Liberals today have near total, and still accelerating, control of the state and over the churches for the same reason Babylon gained control of ancient Israel. It is not so much because Babylon was so evil and mean, but because of the sins of God’s people in their institutions had run rampant. Same is true in our time.

Look at the historical context which witnessed both the sins and the disinheritance of the very paleo-conservative hierarchies and institutions these men are trying to resurrect. You will see the oppression of blacks, other minorities, and women. You will see professing Christians chief among the oppressors, and you will see their churches protecting and supporting the oppressors. You will see in some cases active church sermons and policies joining in the oppression.

Look closer today and you will see Moscow and many of her friends upholding the institutions, rhetoric, and trappings which characterized, and in some cases comprised the substance of, the very churches that waged all those sins against blacks, minorities, and women. And yet if it was for anything, it was for these very sins that the Old Presbyterian and Reformed churches lost virtually all their cultural influence.

Even if we concede that the city of Moscow council members are rank, vile, communist, leftists overtly breaking their own laws to single out Doug’s tribe, we still have very little to cry about (I mean, if we are the type of Christians who believe in and practice radical ownership of our own responsibilities). It’s just Babylon conquering Judah, or Rome destroying Jerusalem in AD 70. Moreover, it was the very traditions for which Doug stands, including some of his active teachings and practices, which have exemplified for these civil authorities how institutions can abuse authority to serve their own dictatorial agenda.

I mean think about it. Think about the time their little nonprofit publishing operation cleverly fudged its operations, deceptively omitted to report royalties, among other things to avoid paying some taxes. They were eventually caught and stripped of their 501(c)3 status, but in the meantime, hey, it was OK for them to break the rules and keep some profits from Caesar as much as possible.

But, you may say, that was just being wise as foxes. Ha, ha, ha, stuck it to those statists as long as we could! Maybe. But it also sends a clear message that you believe it is OK to live by one set of rules, deceive others, etc., for nothing but your own gain. If you pretend the moral high ground and say this is for the good of the Kingdom over against those pagan rulers, like maybe the white lies of the Hebrew midwives, your example only falls back on you harder. How do you think pagan governments will react to such obvious hypocritical posturing? They have foxes, too, you know.

More dishonesty appears in the scheme to defy the local masking and social distancing ordinances. In the planning stages and communications, it was openly about defying masking and social distancing. But when the cameras rolled and handcuffs clicked, suddenly, “We’re being arrested for merely worshipping the Lord!”

Sorry, but I’m calling bullshit. (Where’s Jeff Durbin when you really need him?)

One more time: It was not about worship. It was never about worship. This was not a “Daniel moment.” You were never forbidden to worship or pray to God. You are not Daniel. You have never been like Daniel, and probably never will be. You, lied.

But there are also serious problems. . . .

If it weren’t for the trail of abused women’s bodies leading out of Moscow (and many similar or cousin “patriarchal” establishments), it would be a laughable situation. (For an overview of the catalogue of abuses, their root and their seriousness, see John Reasnor’s recent essay.)

I would laugh to hear Doug complain about being subjected to abusive civil authority like this. Like almost all abusive men and narcissists, they abuse and provoke, defend it as righteous entitlement, “natural,” “order,” and “proper roles,” and then play the victim the moment they experience the inevitable backlash. Whether it comes from a wife, another ministry, an average Joe or Jane on the street, or in this case, a civil authority, it will always come. Self-righteous oppressors, however, blame everyone else but themselves. Above all, they usually blame the victim.

The cases of sexual abuse and sexual misconduct, however, concentrated around staff and students from Doug’s establishment is difficult to read. The way they were handled would be even harder to accept did I not now know how ecclesiastical tyrants and abuse often have a symbiotic relationship with patriarchal or familial forms. Again, they are of the same pagan patriarchal system of power and control, inherited from Greece and Rome, inherited from Babylon, inherited from Nimrod and the line of Cain.

The more we learn, the more it becomes clear that it is par for the course for these patriarchalist communities. Whether Wilsonites, Gothardites, Vision Forumites, Bayly satellites, or any of various other similar groups (some in the Covenant Presbysterian Church denomination, Grace Family Baptist Church, Sproul, Jr., “Good to be a Man,” and many such others)—story after story of abuse victims of all varieties are pouring out from young people, some of whom have grown up now and left when they can. From what I am hearing, the cases will eventually number in the hundreds.

In almost all such cases, narcissism and abuse are covered and protected by patriarchal doctrines at the initial level, and then again by ecclesiastical would-be patriarchs at the next.

You tell me, when churches and families with these patriarchal systems of power create such disproportionate levers of abuse, and produce so many cases of abuse, what should we expect when the practitioners of such things strut into the public square as crusaders of righteousness? When there is such serial sin in the camp, when you have routinely violated sacred boundaries, do you think God will topple Jericho for you when you shout? Or do you think, more like I do, that you run a great risk of reaping what you have sown?

The point is obviously not that two wrongs make a right. They don’t. The point is that when abuse of authority happens, you have lost your moral authority to call it out. Your moral authority is not diminished or weakened. It is not scarred or blemished. It is zero. It does not exist. You are the ones that have for years modeled how to abuse and get away with it.

Worse, you are the ones who for years have goaded, prodded, insulted, belittled, and oppressed while abusing authority and advocating systems of power that inherently abuse authority, attract abusers of authority, and perpetuate abuses of authority. And you have been gleeful and biting in doing so. You have thought you were clever; you thought you were slaying enemies with your serrated edge; but that serrated edge was the knife at the table of your own lust for power. Proverbs 23:1 tells you one purpose for that knife; though in view of the train of abuses of the powerless, Jesus has other designs for such a neck (Matt. 18:6; Luke 17:2).

Now forgive me for laughing when groups with such track records waddle out in public square like crusaders with plastic swords, poking the hornets’ nest over and over. But when the first hornet stings, they cry like babies. “Foul! Bad hornets! Bad hornets! Please click here to help pay my lawyer fees! (Did I mention we sell books, too? Check out me and my kids on Amazon!)”

Part 2

Magnetic Narcissism

The primary reason why I am so exercised over these issues is not only because I have been burned by them myself in many ways, narrowly escaping, but because I know for a fact there are still countless young people who are vulnerable and helplessly stuck in these systems. I pray they find their way out, read and learn that they do not need to remain subject to abuse and oppression, learn where and when they can report, escape, etc., as they need (see the end of this long article). There is much work to be done here, and I will keep doing what I currently do best: say it loudly and without compromise. But there is another related reason.

That second reason is this: this movement still grows and attracts particularly young, narcissistic, wannabe tyrants. We must recognize this problem and address it. While it is a relatively small ideological clan nationally, it is still thousands of people. As long as it continues, it will keep attracting narcissistic opportunists who desire, sometimes subconsciously, to oppress women and minorities.

The patriarchalist institutions offer a convenient power grab for up-and-coming, would-be tyrants—small men, broken men, narcissists, dreamers, would-be Napoleons, certain young second-gen theology leaders, etc., often entitled and sociopathic—who yearn to take their place in the hierarchy, be somebody, and feel big. This they intend to accomplish most commonly by getting their own woman to dominate (“lead,” they say), by establishing a home “ruled” (their word) by their authority, and by routinely demonstrating through conversation just how superior their theological worldview is compared to those liberals (who, compared to them, is virtually everyone else in the world), atheists, and secularists out there. You quickly become a “big” fish in a small, isolated theological pond. That theology then turns right around and provides you with your very own small pond automatically by the act of marriage. The patriarch is now the biggest fish, dominating his little mate, and both swim how, when, and where he says.

The patriarchalist doctrines are one more pagan system of power, yet they readily masquerade and are solidly promoted as nothing but straightforward, text-true Bible doctrines. These two qualities of the biblical façade and the hierarchies of isolated, default power combine to make an irresistible draw to certain narcissistic types. These circles not only attract such young men, they also provide for such potential abusers a supply of brainwashed or oppressed young women—birthed, raised, groomed, and held virtually captive—who are easy pickings for soon-to-be “father-rulers” ready to start their little fiefdoms and whose natural stance toward a female is nearly pure objectification covered in bible verses of authority and submission.

Some of you reading may think I simply have a personal beef with Wilson. No. I say this as someone who has watched couple after couple affected by these views devolve into every kind of disaster marriage and family you can imagine, and others suffer sexual abuse. Over the past few years, I have watched patriarchal and patriarchal-acting (for not all of them use the label; some even deny it) men abuse women and children in so many various ways: physically, mentally, verbally, financially, and more. In almost all such cases (though not all), their churches cover for the abuser (at least to some degree, if not totally), blame the abuse victim, or diminish the abuse, after which it continues.

In some cases, when abuse and sin are openly acknowledged, a simple “I’m sorry” has been accepted as repentance, while similar behavior continued.

When things finally get out of hand and an abused woman, usually at the end of their tether, leaves or pushes back, the abuser in virtually every instance himself plays victim, cites his spouse for “rebellion” or refusing to “submit,” starts appealing to the theology streaming out of places like Moscow, blames the spouse for being influenced by “feminism,” etc., threatens to turn her over to church discipline, and devises other means of intimidation and control. Again, these churches often support him in doing this.

In some cases, the wife will simply leave. In others, however, she has nowhere to turn and is forced to submit without hope.

An Example

I’ll give you an example. This is lengthy and I will start at the beginning. I want to show you what type of person is routinely drawn to this power-and-submission theological system, and what they do with it once they get in it. Again, this is just one example of many out there, though it is stark.

A young man, probably in his very early twenties, came to me several years ago expressing an interest in Calvinism. I lent him some books from my library. He came into the American Vision office (where I worked at the time) regularly after that. Within days he was pretending he was educated on theology and asking me if AV had any spots open for writers. He exhibited no talent in either writing or intellectual acumen. But I tolerated him as a cage-stage specimen.

His arrogance, however, did not diminish, but grew. He came in once and spent half a day in the AV library. Said he was going to write a great article. When he left that day, he stopped by my office with his chin high and a big smile. He said something like, “When my article gets published, the atheists are going to go crazy.” I asked why. He said, “Because my arguments . . . hehe, yeah, they’re pretty strong.”

The article was never written. No article was.

Within a few months, this young man was sitting on my back porch. He told me he had decided he was going to write a commentary on the book of Joel. I knew it was hooey. Of course, nothing like that was ever written by him. He had no clue. I do think he actually believed he was going to, at some level, but had not an ounce of talent or training for it. It was pure grandiosity, of the delusionary type.

But I knew he looked up to me and I felt he just wanted to be accepted, so I remained patient with him. I nevertheless told him the truth. What he needed to do was be quiet and do nothing but read and learn for a long time. Like, years. I told him to do nothing but sit at the feet of some good teachers for a long time, develop humility, and then see where his heart and mind were theologically and career-wise. In what would become a pattern, he acknowledged my advice, acted like it got him deep in the feels, and did exactly the opposite within weeks.

At that time, I was attending a CREC church in Alabama. A couple of the members there participated in an entrepreneurship and business program for young men. I knew this would be perfect for him: a young, aimless kid who needed sound teaching, to grow up, and a community of strong men to corral him. The program would open him to hard work, discipline, focus, etc. It was perfect. Finally, he followed through with my advice.

He made the two-and-a-half-hour move from Georgia to Alabama, and since I visited every other week at the time, I kept in touch. Again, however, within weeks, his focus altered. One of the men told me this young man was pestering his daughter, and he knew he was not right for her. Worse, this only had occurred after he had already exhausted his welcome with another young lady in the church.

Over the next few weeks, it went on and on. He chased girl after girl, until finally, he got what he wanted. He found one whose father let him get closer. Very quickly, the two were married!

It happened so fast. The boy had hardly any money, no steady job. He had not even come close to completing the business training, and yet he was ready to start his own little fiefdom! Indeed, almost immediately after marriage, she was pregnant.

Then the problems began to mount. The young man had pursued nothing in the way of discipline, humility. Nothing had curbed his narcissism, his delusion. He immediately started running his house like a dictator. He demanded she stay at home, submit, and do her chores like he wanted when he said they should be done. When she procrastinated once too much, he took away her car keys, phone, and her video game controller. That’ll teach her. Now she has to stay here all day and she has no distractions.

Meanwhile, he was doing the manly man Reformed thing and started developing a drinking habit that was not only offensive to her and self-indulgent, but which he could not afford.

While he left for odd jobs every day, she was stuck in a moldy (literally) rental trailer literally miles out in the country in Alabama, with no way to leave, no phone, and where she could not even see her nearest neighbors, all day.

Fast-forwarding a bit, the guy finally acceded to a career as a plumber, an apprentice anyway. He stood to make decent money at some point, but continually failed to advance, and soon jumped from employer to employer, always with a story about how the old guy was doing something wrong. I was, rather, keeping track of the common denominator in the story. The family also moved back here from Alabama.

Soon, my wife and I started getting stories about trouble. He was drinking and spending money like crazy. They couldn’t pay their bills. I counseled with him. Same old story: yes, yes, but then do the opposite. She would babysit for us to make cash to buy groceries to feed their child, but meanwhile the house, car, utilities were all behind. They soon stood to lose it all.

I arranged a mutual friend to review the situation and he agreed to make a loan and save them from the young man’s behavior, but he had to agree to stop drinking, stop spending, and let her have oversight of the checking account (to this point, he dominated it and hid money from her when he felt like it). He reluctantly agreed, only after much persuading and warning of consequences.

Within weeks or months, he was doing it all again. We found out, finally, that he was addicted to an OTC substance called kratom, sold in gas stations, but which is highly addictive for some people and acts on their opioid receptors (like heroine, morphine, or OxyContin). He was addicted, and had been spending $50–60 per day on it, among other things. On his tight budget, which now included paying back a loan, he could not afford it. The red hole opened again and debts piled up.

My lending friend and I, along with some agreeing counselors, agreed that the whole home finance needed to be under her exclusive control. We set it all up, with another loan. He turned over all the cards to her.  This time, he had to agree to enter marriage counseling and check into substance abuse treatment. But within weeks, he was stealing the cards from her purse or bullying her into handing over the cards. He did attend some marriage counseling, but quit. He never went for substance abuse treatment or counseling.

The spouse by this time was beside herself. She was hurt, frustrated, had no family nearby, alienated, and to make matters worse, he regularly blamed, yelled at, intimidated her, and argued. At some point, devastated, she started sleeping apart from him and refusing his sexual advances.

While the guy would not join any church nearby, he regularly followed Doug Wilson, The Transformed Wife, and other patriarchal sources to back his demands for her to submit to him. He refused to join any church nearby precisely because there was no solid, orthodox, patriarchal doctrine like these ministries. Also, he was now a big fish in his own small pond.

He started pillorying her with Bible verses about submission. He started posting on his facebook account memes and links about submission, the poison of feminism, the biblical importance of “duty sex,” and much more. For a supposed patriarchal man, he was passive aggressive like a small child. Still is.

Despite not having formal membership involved, there have been multiple counseling and exhortation sessions from me, the former elders from Alabama, the elders at other local churches (PCA and other), all of which made it clear to him that he is in the wrong, and in fact, abusive. (With the exception of a couple of them, they have all also tried to get her to realize she had some blame in all of this, too.)

I have been there for nearly all of this. I have talked extensively to both and been in their home multiple times. I can assure you, she is not to blame, and did nothing blameworthy. This little man is the definition of narcissism-puffed-up-into-entitled-patriarch.

The last time it got so bad, the wife left and went and stayed with her family out of state for a while. Several weeks. I told the young man at the time that he needed to give himself for his wife as Christ gave himself for the church. He needed humility, self-sacrifice, and to submit to good counsel. I told him if he did not, his wife would eventually leave him permanently and he would lose everything. He acknowledged me again, but within weeks it was all for naught, again.

Recently, I learned than he has been doing the same things all over again. (The full span from beginning to end now is around eight or nine years.) He was spending so much that the wife took out a job with Instacart just to pay for groceries and bills, and, God bless her, to keep trying to pay back their private lender (now around $20k). The husband responded to this by accusing her of “not wanting to homeschool but preferring to work.” You know, that feminist influence. But it was a lie. She did want to homeschool their son. She only got the job to offset his spending and debts.

To add insult to injury, in a rare counseling session (with a local pastor), the wife revealed that he had been hiding cash from his side jobs to spend on his habits, while meanwhile she had to work to pay off their debts that he had incurred. When confronted with this injustice, he responded, Why should he have to pay off those debts when she has a job to do so after all?!? His side money should be his to spend.

Yes, yes, I remember the verse: “if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Tim. 5:8). I told him long ago. Today he would respond to this by saying he was trying as hard as he can, but his wife just won’t submit and thwarts his efforts! As long as he is struggling with his sin, he is regenerate, and deserves mercy and to be submitted to, he argues.

She slept apart from him again, and he began attacking her verbally and on social media passively aggressively again. He responded one night by demanding she give him cash to go spend. She refused (she is very brave!). He declared that he would probably wind up dead then, apparently threatening suicide. They went that night and checked him into the suicide watch unit at the local emergency room (he consented).

Soon after he was out, he demanded money again. He called her while she was at work and said he was going to come get money from her. She said no, don’t come. She was in the middle of a grocery store working. She told him twice not to come. He relented. But the next time he didn’t even ask. He showed up unannounced anyway, and accosted her in a store. He had their small son with them. He demanded she give him the check cards. To avoid causing a scene in the store, she gave in. He immediately spent over $100. It was the last straw.

She left for her family again, this time indefinitely. She is still there.

There are, unbelievably, some, perhaps most, in the patriarchy communities that say she is in sin for leaving him. She should pray and submit, even to his sin and tyranny, and that separation is absolutely not an option at all, even if he were sleeping around.

Since then, he slinked around to mutual friends of ours asking for money. They did not know the whole story. He went first to prime them with his deceptive version of the story. He lied to them about the debt, saying it was only $8k. He lied about his wife, saying she has been influenced by feminism. He said that my (Joel’s) wife told her to divorce him (never happened). When I learned this a couple days later, I called our friends and told them the truth. When the young man showed up again a couple days later asking to borrow money, they refused. Apparently, he figured out that I filled them in. He responding by blocking me on social media.

Despite stopping to acknowledge his own sin in all of this at a couple points, but then forgetting, the young man has yet to take responsibility for himself, and to do his duty of self-sacrifice for his wife and family.

As he has progressed in sin, an interesting phenomenon has developed. He has blamed his wife, my wife, other wives, me, other people, feminism, modern culture, and a long list of other boogeymen. Through it all, his ultimate fallback has been the theological place he started—the thing which has attracted so many such narcissistic young tyrants throughout the years. These are the teachings of patriarchalism, male headship, female submission. Go to his social media page and you will see bits of wisdom from Wilson, The Transformed Wife, so-called “men’s rights” pages, etc. The delusions of grandeur and domination never went away. They have instead found cover and religious support in the structure of power taught by these people.

No matter how much abuse such a guy deals out, no matter how much of a trail of harm lies behind them, it is never their fault. I see the same thing in Wilson. No matter how many offensive things he has be called out on in the past, no matter how many sexist or racist rants he pens, no matter how many sexual abuse victims flee his church, or remain trapped in it by marriages Doug blesses, no matter how many instances of plagiarism are discovered in his publications, the common line has always been that it is always someone else’s fault.

This is the way of patriarchalism. It is not a biblical system. It is a pagan system of power and domination to the core. Intimidation, lies, coercion, and blame are its tools. The patriarch is always excused by his status as head, and those below take the blame. They are blamed for rebellion, feminism, being “woke,” liberal, Marxist, you name it.

Every one of these labels out of the mouths of these oppressors and abusers is a fig leaf to cover their own sins. Like our first parents obliviously trusting in such coverings, these today have little idea just how meager their coverings are.

The problem, however, is that the lust for power is pervasive, and this means there is a huge market for fig leaves. Among Bible-based, believing men, the fig leaves of male domination covered in Bible verses like authentic, traditional orthodoxy, is almost irresistible.

Conclusion

I don’t have any illusions of convincing these leaders or their more ardent followers, or even many of those less ardent ones who are weaker minds and personalities, but have much invested in the brands and narratives, etc. I believe in miracles, but it will certainly take that to move most of these people.

I do, however, feel very strongly that if the affected young people are informed that this is not normal, and that they do not have to submit to this tyranny, some of them will be able to flee it. Young women trapped in these circles, held as little more than prey for some up-and-coming abusers, especially need to hear that this is not normal. It is cultish and it is destructive. Do not feel pressured to marry young; do not feel pressured to forgo education. Do not be bullied into a version of “submission” that is really oppression in the name of Jesus. They will demean you as a rebel when you demand better, when you refuse; but it is they who are rebels in sin, desirous of domination and control.

As hard as it will be to envision and to do, do not feel pressured to stay in these communities. You can leave, even though doing so will sometimes be painful because the community will shun you, slander you, and threaten you. There are, however, many welcoming Christian communities out there willing to minister to young people like you, including victims of abuse.

Remember that in the end, you are called to serve Christ. If you come to realize that your family is engaged in practices of power and control, that is not of Christ. You may need to make the hard decision that serving Christ means leaving your family and finding a safer, more stable and wholesome environment.

And certainly, if you are being abused in any way, especially sexually, but in any way, start taking steps to get out now.

You need to learn what various types of abuse there actually are: sexual, physical, emotional, financial, educational, medical, verbal, and more. Educate yourself.

Learn what the laws are in your state regarding these forms of abuse. Find out what resources are available. Some churches are safe; others are not. If the church hierarchy does not seem like it would be a helpful and protective, safe, space in which to report, you will need to find a safe haven first.

If you are in any such situation, takes steps to get out. You may even contact me; while I am not the best person to provide immediate help, I can try to put you in contact with people who can. I will also try to shield both you and them from people who would wish to thwart your liberation from abuse.

There is tons more to say on this topic. In large part, you will have to educate yourself in your own situation. But please do. There is no reason to remain captive in the deceptive grasp of a patriarchal cult.